When you get lonely, if no one's around...you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down...

Things have sure been rolling since I’ve updated on here…wow.

I got to meet Pat’s daughter, Reese, and boy is she cute!! Whenever she’s there I feel like she’s my own almost…it’s so natural feeling. She crawled into bed with us during the night and slept between us, and it was cute…I felt like we were a family, even though I know she’s not my own. I even met two of his sisters that I hadn’t met (one lives in Chicago, and one lives elsewhere) and their kids. I also met Pat’s best friend that he’s had since elementary school, Kyle, and got to go to his house (which means something cuz Amanda, who’s been friends with Pat for years, has never even been near Kyle’s house). It was a little overwhelming to meet all these people who are important in his life in one weekend, but it was okay. I apologized to him for being so quiet and also told him that I hoped his sisters didn’t think I was a bitch or something because I was quiet…but he told me he was pretty sure they understood and whatnot. So that’s good.

On the other hand, while the time I get to spend with him is totally worth it, being without him and not being able to see him often is weighing on my heart. When I first started getting more serious with him, he had gotten laid off and was just working with Kyle’s dad fixing cars after he got out of class until about 6pm-ish. If I wanted to, I could just swing up there and spend a few hours with him or stay over night and go home the next morning…but that’s not really possible anymore (until May 15th when he graduates). He’s not laid off anymore, and he works Monday through Friday from three in the afternoon until midnight. I don’t get to talk to him that much because we both have class during the day, and both work evenings…and I work every other weekend, too. It kind of puts things on hold a little bit and it really sucks, because I only get to see him every two weeks—if that. I haven’t seen him since March 28th, and I won’t be able to see him until this coming weekend—if he doesn’t have big family plans for Easter. If I don’t see him this coming weekend, by the next time I do—it’ll have been a month. Night time is the hardest time for me to face it, because that’s when I have the most time to think…which isn’t always a good thing. When I spend a weekend with him, or even just over night, it’s so hard to fall asleep alone because I get so used to having someone next to me or his arms around me. And it sucks more than ever. Sometimes I just feel like this whole thing is never going to be worth it…like I should have never got involved in his life, because at times I’m so miserable because I haven’t seen him in a couple weeks that it’s almost unreal. I miss him so much it hurts sometimes, but I think it’ll be worth it in the end…at least I hope it will be because like I said in the when I first met him—this is the boy I’m going to marry. If we can get through this, we can get through anything!!

When I first met him, I thought he was cute and really nice, but I thought since we were drinking and whatnot that it wouldn't amount to anything anyways. As I got to know him, things almost felt like they were too good to be true because I had never had someone treat me so well and make me feel like this. And now, even though we've only been dating since December--I feel more for him than I have for any other boy that has walked in and out of my life. I wouldn't necessarily call it love, because I'm slightly afraid to call it that--it's such a big step and a word with a lot of meaning when not used lightly. I'm just going to let things happen and see how they go....I hope this isn't just something that's gonna last for a little while and then disappear, cuz I don't wanna imagine my life without him.

Annndd I just got a text from him last night telling me that he doesn't work on Friday. You have no idea how happy that makes me...I had the hugest smile pop onto my face, and I fell asleep with it on. This feeling is irreplaceable.

<33 There is so much more going on, but I don't have time to update.