Yesterday my friend Emma told me to get yahoo messenger...so I did, thinking I wouldn't have anyone to talk to and that all I'd do is meet stupid people and stuff. Turns out--I was totally wrong....she told me to go into a chatroom and I typed "15/f/mn IM me if ya wanna talk" and I got 3 IM's...well I only added one, because he seemed like a total sweetheart and I started to like him a little, but I'm not gonna fall for him since he lives in Texas. He's done some things that he regrets (I'm not saying anything),  and some things that have affected him..like the death of his father--and he's been depressed for a while...so I wanted to help him out and stuff. He's such a nice guy, and I don't want him to feel like this. Here's some parts of the conversation (I changed his name so that it wasn't his sn, and mine's the smile like you've never been hurt one)::

smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: well if i were there it woulda been way better...
Ricky: u know it beautiful, coulda kept me company in my time of depression but then again who would wanna do that
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: i would
Ricky: im boring
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: no ur not
Ricky: am too, i dont see how u put up wit me beautiufl
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: what do you mean....i can put up with a lot of shit...and plus i like talkin to you
Ricky: well thats exactly y i love talkin to u, i swear i wish girls were like u here in texas, i mean ur soo understandin

Ricky: remember i really screwed up, u dont want guys like me that will hurt girls like u
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: nooooooo i don't care about that....its a mistake....you didnt purposly do it! and i still like you even though you screwed up
Ricky : i really have to apologize to u
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: why??
Ricky: for givin u  a bad impression about me,  im not liek that, i mean for one girls cryin breaks my heart no matter who they are, even if id otn knwo them it like the saddest thing on earth to me
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: its all okay.....you didn't give me a bad impression about you...first off you said you were drunk and i kno when people are drunk they lose control and dont konw what theyre doing--been there done that......i forgive you, although in my mind you havent done ne thing to differ my thoughts about you
Ricky: ur really something, u know that?
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: i am??
Ricky: yeah to me u are
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: why?
Ricky: cuz ur so understandin, u look past my all my faults,my evil shit

Ricky: but its different wit me, my hard life and my actions, i dont know if im suppossed to be a hard ass or a softie, i mean ive been in alot of fights, but i always offer a shoulder for girls to cry on
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: you can be both at the same time....strong for yourself and the girl who's crying on your shoulder....but yet a softie for making her feel special and loved, and making yourself feel like you've accomplished something great--like letting someone vent and helping them
Ricky: but is that really who i am, ive done too much bad shit
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: everyone has done bad stuff and experianced it....but sumtime you gotta get past it and know that you're a stronger person for holding through it all
Ricky: but i let so many people down
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: yes but you're not perfect, and neither are they and you've also got to see the good things you've done for people--you can't just look at all the bad things all the time

smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: you cant kick yourself for something that happened in the past--sometime you gotta look past all that stuff and see what the future holds for you, not what the past has done to you
Ricky: this is not wat i meant for me in life

Ricky : still i need to repay u
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: with what? and why??
Ricky: cuz u've helped osmething heal lil bit, all ive been hearing is how fucked up ive been, and u.....u didnt tell me wat i needed to hear, u just gave me sympathy a complete stranger
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: as you can see im not like a lot of other people....ive been hurt and gone through enough shit that helping people has become something that helps me...something that cheers me up when i see someone else starting to improve...........im not like every other girl or guy
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: but it seems like no one has ever realized that until now....when i met you
Ricky : u know........ur soo special, u know that, all my goal has been to is to find myself by helpin others before ive gone to far to be helped, and u........u have an amazin heart,u really are a special girl

smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: you do too deserve my help--you don't deserve to be sad and feel like shit...you're too sweet and nice to be someone who's sad all the time...
Ricky: its someone ive gotten used to
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: yeah but you shouldn't NEED to get used to  a feeling like that
Ricky : well its a lil late for that beautiful, u do make me feel better though
smillkeuvenvrbnhurt: well thats good....i dont wanna make you feel more sad
Ricky : u really help beautiful

Oh man he's so sweet...and he's been through soooo much shit it's wierd, but he's so cool. I wish he wasn't so sweet...either he still was and just lived up here, that would be awesome!

Well me and my mind will go think in my room now...I'm really tired and stuff.....my eyes hurt..and my mind is tossed up by thinking of Eric B. and Ricky....man, this has gotta stop sometime lol.

<3 NICole