Wow, today felt kind of weird being in school and seeing friends I hadn't for almost the whole summer, meeting new friends, joking around, and seeing Emma for the first time in over a year. I got a HUGE hug from her...I felt special lol. It didn't even feel like school was officially starting--it kind of felt like we were just going there for a few days and then never going back...but I know that's not true lol. I met some new people in some of my classes, and there are a lot of new people who I don't know...mostly new guys, but a few girls too!

     I didn't think of Alan too much today...well not as much as I thought I would. I mean I thought about him quite a bit, but not that much...if that makes any sense at all. I really want to get over him, but how the hell can I?! When he's online when I sign on, or says he wants to hear what's going on and actually cares, or just says certain things and they all make my heart flutter and fly above the clouds--how am I supposed to deal with that shit?! It makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine when I talk to him, but yet at the same time it breaks my heart because I know he's not mine. I hate how a guy can make me feel this way, and I can't even control it...not even where my mind wanders to when I'm bored. My mind says, "I need to get over him!!" while my heart is telling me, "NOOOO! You can't do that...not yet!!" and I don't want that. I also don't want to lay in bed at night and wonder where he is, what he's doing, or even what he's thinking about as he drifts off into a deep sleep. Is he really excited about me maybe coming down there with Trivia the last weekend in September? Is he thinking about me? Does he ever wonder what it would feel like to be with me again?...I don't think so...(to all those questions). Why the hell does my heart still cling onto something that hurts me?? Can anyone figure that one out, or am I the only one who doesn't know?!

     Oh gosh, it's almost 10:45pm...and I still can't sleep. Well, I'm tired, but as soon as I try to go to bed again and lay down--I'll be wide awake--not a good thing. And my foot fell asleep...also not good lol.

     Well, I'm going to try going to bed again sometime soon....I'm actually a little excited for tomorrow--it's Friday and that means going up to my cabin!! Woo hoo!!

     Here's a song...kinda describes how I'm feeling at the moment...okay? okay.  \

Stuck
by: Stacie Orrico

I can’t get out of bed today or get you off my mind
I just can’t seem to find a way to leave the love behind
I ain't tripping, I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying, you know what I mean

You kept me hanging from a string, why do you make me cry?
I tried to give you everything, but you just gave me lies
I ain't tripping, I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying, you know what I mean yeah

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I be wishing you would call me on the telephone
And say you want me back, but you never do
I feel like such a fool, there’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it, what am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking, I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it, the way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Now, love's a broken record that’s been skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday, why we gots to play these games we play?
I ain't tripping, I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying, you know what I mean yeah

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I be wishing you would call me on the telephone
And say you want me back, but you never do
I feel like such a fool

I can’t take it, what am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking, I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it the way, the way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can’t stop thinkin’ of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I be wishing you would call me on the telephone
And say you want me back, but you never do
I feel like such a fool

I can’t take it, what am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking, I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it the way, the way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can’t stop thinkin’ of you
I hate you, but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
I don’t know what to do
I’m stuck on you

Good night everyone.....Don't let the bed bugs bite!!!

- -Nicole Lyn- -